She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
