so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
