direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
