My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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