your parents love me but you hate me
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
