3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
