a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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