Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
