rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
How does one acquire holy water?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
