that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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