Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I can't turn off my feet"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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