STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
