giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
