I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
