Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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