I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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