i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
