Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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