Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
