be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
