That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
not ubering you a puppy
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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