Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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