i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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