Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
