you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
