So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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