So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
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He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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