It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
