Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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