you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
