So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
