Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
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You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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