if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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