Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
