yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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