watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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