I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
