Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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