Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
