You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
