Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize