I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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