Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
