My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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