The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
