Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
