please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
