Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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