i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
