"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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