Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
