We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
