We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
