I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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