ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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