I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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