dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
