im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
