I need help removing her.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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