Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
