I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
