In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
