Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
